The following things happened when I joined my friend Jared on a trip to Arkansas to help our friend Andrew move the last of his stuff to his new place in Texas.
–During a pit stop, Jared points and says, “Andrew just came out of the women’s bathroom!” Andrew blinked in response, but offered no shame or explanation.
–We saw a horse in a boat with a hat on its butt. Thanks, Oklahoma, I never thought I’d get a chance to write that sentence.
–This was in Andrew’s trashcan. All of them were labeled “Not Abnormal Enough.”
–Around midnight we played a game about middle-eastern stereotypes that made no sense. I kid you not, Jared’s house (in the game) caught on fire and he literally did nothing while it burned down and then the entire city came out and crowned him a hero for doing nothing. For doing nothing. Meanwhile, I got sent to jail for battling an evil warlord. Well, excuse me for living.
–We had to spend the night in the now-abandoned house. Strange, loud noises were coming from the ceiling all night. No big deal, right? It’s not like there was a squatter living in the attic or something.
–The next morning I joked about Jared’s snoring. Andrew said he heard it too, but thought it was me. Jared was certain he had heard Andrew or me snoring. Basically, during breakfast we realized that someone was snoring and it wasn’t one of us. No big deal. It’s not like someone in the attic was snoring all night…
–At the moving place, a tiny woman with a pixie cut single-handedly dragged the trailer to the truck hitch in the blink of an eye and fastened everything while giving us directions. She looked at me and said, “You look like someone who’s good at getting lids off of pickle jars–make sure I got this tight enough!” I smirked and then reached down to check her work…and found out that she’s a lot stronger than yours truly. (Which doesn’t say much.) Back home, we required a pulley system and a few professional linebackers to get the darned thing off.
–You can’t stop to pee while you’re driving down a mountain carrying a trailer. So Jared and I rode like this:
–At dinner, I wanted to use the single-occupancy bathroom in the restaurant but Jared was in there first. Andrew observed that the women’s bathroom was not in use, and then he stared at me as I made a tough decision.